Weigh In!

Yesterday was WEIGH IN and it couldn't have came at a worse time!!! PMS, out of control...bloating at an all-time HIGH, and my irritability was bring'n down the house. I seriously did not want to step on that scale. I even expressed my feelings quite literally to my WW leader, sitting quietly behind the table. Me: "I really don't want to get on that scale tonight" WW leader: "Oh, it will be ok (big smile) " Me: "No...it won't, my week has been terrible (tight smile)" WW leader: "You may as well get it over with (no smile this time) Me: "Fine...I guess it's gotta be done" while I'm shedding my jewelery, shoes, and anything else that could go and still keep me descent. Drum roll............................................

10 pounds total!!!!

Yep another 4 lbs. this week, baby!!!!

I was in complete and utter shock...I really couldn't believe I had lost all that. I kept telling my mom, standing next to me, I know the scale must be right, but I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this. I just don't feel it? I thought my clothes would be feeling loser, but not really. I know, I know...it's a LOSS!!! Who cares if your clothes are not looser...they will be next week when you've lost 14 lbs., right??? Anyhow, time to enjoy and celebrate :D I think I need to go shop and give myself a little reward, don't you?

Coping Mechanisms

What are your coping mechanisms? Food has always been mine, but I want to change that. I mean, I am changing that. When everything is in upheaval, and spiraling out of control I want to eat. Why? I DON'T know...it's just the thing I do. It's calming, enjoyable, satisfying, non-combative and soothing. Everyone copes some how...for others it can be nasty, ugly habits like drug use, alcohol, even sex. All of those things in abundance can be dangerous, over-eating included. I recognize my coping mechanism, stuffing wonderful, delicious food in my mouth, but now I have to change the way I cope. The way I deal with stress, excitement, disappointment, success and sorrow. I know a lot of people out in the world don't believe in God or Jesus, but I DO. I know he's real, I know he exists...he's been the leader of my life for some time now. Spiritually, I've been detached from Jesus when it comes to this area of my life. It's like this is an area that I won't release to God, because it's kind of become an idol. I know that sounds serious, but if something, anything that you do or have becomes categorized as off limits to God, then I believe it's become an idol. Something you REALLY don't want to give up. I want to be different, I want to let go of food, I want to open this area up to Jesus and allow him to change what I can't. I want to turn to him when I can't cope, I want to turn to him when I celebrate, I want Jesus to be my coping mechanism.

Guess What????

Should I say? I may ginx myself...

Ok...I don't think I should toot my own horn, though...

Alright, I'll tell...I LOST 6LBS!!! Yep, over a 2 wk period...I lost 6 fat ones!!! I guess I should toot my own horn!

Just trying to stay focused on the next couple of weeks, and I just may reach my goal of 20lbs. before my birthday!!!

Ugly

Today, I've cried...I'm hurt, angry, depressed, and disappointed. All those things and more. I had a fight with "J" #4 and I'm so very drained. I look in the mirror and I feel lost. I want to scream at that face in the mirror and say so many things...

1. It's your fault she acts like this!

2. It's your fault, you always give in...and when you don't, you know Papa Bear will and DOES, every time!

3. Why did you get so fat, I can't stand looking at you!

4. Your not getting any younger ya know...your getting OLDER and this mirror here shows it!!!

5. You really are ugly...

6. You don't finish anything, you never have, so why keep trying?

7. This body of yours will never look like you want it to again, since those 4 "precious" children came along.

8. It's too late to fix "J" #4, you've spoiled her to no return.

9. Can you get any more LAZY???

10. Stop pretending, you really have no life.

Yes, I DO want to scream this over and over in the mirror, but I haven't...I just typed it all out here so I could at least see it, before I spew it at myself.

Guess what though...I haven't went off my points, even though every fiber of my being wants to eat the bag of Ranch Dorritos in the pantry and drink Dr. Pepper all day!

Did I mention that Papa Bear is lacking in the "child discipline" area? Yeah, I'm a little pissed because I don't know how to half discipline...anyone out there got any advice for me when it comes to a Papa letting his "girl" do whatever she wants??? Thanks, much appreciated :D

Feeli'n it

Good, good, I feel pretty darn good. Even though I missed my WW meeting this week (due to weather), I've tracked my weight loss on my scale at home and I think I've lost 7lbs.!!!!! Now, I do know that my scales are off by 3lbs. according to the WW scales, but who cares??? I've been losing consistently and that motivates me EVEN more!!!! I can do this, I CAN DO THIS, I just know it!

The next thing I need to work on is activity, exercise...I HATE it, but I know I must find something to keep me active. My gf and I have been trying to walk 3 x a week, but we missed last Friday and twice this week. I still feel like I should be doing something when we can't meet up, but I haven't committed to anything. My next goal...find an activity and STICK TO IT!

Blah

1. Feeling blah

2. Feeling lazy

3. Super hungry...want to eat everything

4. Wishing this was easier

5. Didn't make it to my WW meeting, forecast calling for snow...what snow???

6. Seriously don't want to make dinner

7. On lock down until payday

8. Need motivation

9. Need motivation

10. Did I mention I need some motivation?

That's all folks....

Good & Bad Weekend

My weekend started out kind of bad...my family took Nan to the casino Friday night...she LOVES going to the casino. Since Papa passed away, thats all she ever wants to get out of the house for. Sooooo...we all took her. The family decided on the buffet for dinner...I do not do well with buffets, lets just put that out there. I started with a salad, then some Prime Rib, and well...just spiraled out of control after that. However...I tried my best to total up everything I ate and used up my free 49 points for the week. That made me feel so much better, in turn, helped me do well on Saturday at the Seattle Seahawks game VS. the New Orlenes Saints. We were able to take in our Subway sandwiches and water, and I stayed on track! Woo-Hoo...I stayed within my 29 points! Papa bear was even able to get me a small nonfat mocha :) Those extra free points made me feel so much more able to follow this plan...you don't even know! Thank you Weight Watchers for making this doable...it's going to keep me moving forward.