Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Today, I've cried...I'm hurt, angry, depressed, and disappointed. All those things and more. I had a fight with "J" #4 and I'm so very drained. I look in the mirror and I feel lost. I want to scream at that face in the mirror and say so many things...

1. It's your fault she acts like this!
2. It's your fault, you always give in...and when you don't, you know Papa Bear will and DOES, every time!
3. Why did you get so fat, I can't stand looking at you!
4. Your not getting any younger ya know...your getting OLDER and this mirror here shows it!!!
5. You really are ugly...
6. You don't finish anything, you never have, so why keep trying?
7. This body of yours will never look like you want it to again, since those 4 "precious" children came along.
8. It's too late to fix "J" #4, you've spoiled her to no return.
9. Can you get any more LAZY???
10. Stop pretending, you really have no life.

Yes, I DO want to scream this over and over in the mirror, but I haven't...I just typed it all out here so I could at least see it, before I spew it at myself.

Guess what though...I haven't went off my points, even though every fiber of my being wants to eat the bag of Ranch Dorritos in the pantry and drink Dr. Pepper all day!

Did I mention that Papa Bear is lacking in the "child discipline" area? Yeah, I'm a little pissed because I don't know how to half discipline...anyone out there got any advice for me when it comes to a Papa letting his "girl" do whatever she wants??? Thanks, much appreciated :D

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