???

Missed my weigh-in again!!!! Time is just getting away from me and I've been so busy...busy enough that I can't seem to get to my meetings. No matter what, I WON'T miss next week...I HAVE TO GO...I HAVE TO WEIGH IN. I've been eating o.k...just "o.k". I've had some good days, and some not so good days. Today was a good day...

12 oz. White Chocolate Americano w/ a little cream: Breakfast (6 points)

Thomas' Thin Bagel, 97% fat free lean ham, reduced-fat Havarti cheese...all toasted (yum-yum!); BIG water, and a clementine: Lunch (8 points)

Bag of Light Popcorn: Snack (3 points)

1cup Whole Wheat pasta, chicken/mushroom sauté', TBS Parmesan cheese: Dinner (10 points)

It's been a good, full, productive day. Even though I wanted to eat a WHOLE bag of Puffed Cheetos that Papa Bear bought from the Hoot Owl. I swear, I could have inhaled them if he'd opened them in the car. You'll all be glad to know that I with stood the urge, and ate popcorn instead! :) Good luck ladies with the rest of your week...I know I'm gonna need it!

Emotional "roller coaster" Eating

I kind of went "crazy" this last week, eating. I don't know what got into me...except, food...lots of food! I really can't even remember where it all went wrong, but I definitely recognized that it was emotional eating. I just didn't control it very well. PMS is staring me right in the face, too, that could be a small contributor. Sunday, it was "celebration" eating...Monday, it was "I feel bad" eating...so on and so forth...you know the story.

However...I've recouped! YAY!!! Yes, I'm back on track...and that, kids...is what it's all about. Life, it happens, but we just can't throw in the towel every time we make a wrong decision. The world is not going to stop turning, I'm not going to get fat by eating 3 pieces of pizza one night. It's when I do that every day, all the time, and not caring what I put into my body. I did miss my weigh in this week, I just didn't want to get down on myself by what the scale read. I stayed home, visited with Papa Bear and the kiddos, it was a much needed re-focus evening. Not too sure how the rest of the week will develop, I'm turning another year older and I really want to celebrate. The 4 "J"s are home from school, Papa Bear took the day off work and well...I want to have a GREAT time, and not worry about the dreaded "F" word! (food) We're going to the movies, and then out to dinner at my favorite restaurant! So...I'm giving myself a pass. A pass to enjoy, and possibly indulge...if I so, feel like it!

Today I had a nonfat Starbucks for breakfast, then met Papa Bear for lunch at Subway. Had footlong roast beef on wheat. Ate only 1/2, saved the rest for dinner. A bag of baked Lays and water. Diet Squirt and the other half for dinner. What a day, and full too! I HEART Subway...

One more thing to add before I sign off...my jeans are...TOO BIG!!!! Yes-sir-ee...they sure are! I'm wearing them until I can fit into my size 12 comfortably...then these ugly ol' things are H-I-S-T-O-R-Y....

Productive

I'm feeling quite positive, and motivated! I've been eating good, healthy, and treating myself as I follow this new life style. That's what it is...a complete life style change. It's hard, and bumpy along the way. Life happens, I make mistakes, but I haven't quit, and I haven't given up. I realize that emotionally, food will always be my vice, but if I just re-learn and adjust my coping I can have a healthy relationship with food. That's all I want, I want to be able to eat a candy bar and not feel like I need one the next day, and the next day, and the next. I want to eat good, tasty food, in a controllable way and in proportion. I know I can do it, it's just about making new habits, learning a new "brain" talk, if you will. It's a slow process, but it's working, and it's rewarding.

I am struggling, still, with exercise. It's hit and miss for sure. At times I wish I would just take the plunge and hire a personal trainer, but I don't even know if that could help me in this area. There are a lot of contributing factors to my problem. #1 I HATE EXERCISE! #2 The weather is not so hot here in the Pacific Northwest, and that's just one more reason I don't want to go outside. #3 I don't really know what I "like" or "enjoy" doing when it comes to physical activity...it's hard for me to figure that one out. #4 I've figured out how to motivate myself to eat better, but I can't seem to motivate myself to MOVE???? Anyhow...just one more area I need to work on.

Something I've been eating and really enjoy! A bagel thin, with a wedge of mozzarella & sun dried tomato laughing cow, Kirkland lean ham, and slivered red bell pepper. A tasty sandwich, with baked Lay's potato chips and a clementine. I'll probably burn myself out on it, but that's ok...it's easy and it's good.

Can I get a WHOOP-WHOOP!!!?

Weigh-In today...I am ecstatic!!!! Superbowl being Sunday, I totally ate cookies and bacon wrapped water chestnuts (heaven!) from this besty, however I did keep it to a minimum, didn't get all crazy or anything. I had lots of veggies, hummus, and fruit salad. This besty brought divine Chicken Chili, that I desperately need the recipe for!!! Guess What??????????????????

I LOST 2 MORE LBS.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I'm a happy girl right about now :D

TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: 13.8 lbs.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So give me a virtual HIGH five, and lets do it again this week!

Just a few...

day 288. {must.lose.weight.}

Only down 1.6 lbs...a little is better than none, right???? This is a new day, a new week!

Guilty pleasures

This weekend was full of guilty pleasure food. I'm somewhat disappointed in myself, PMS time is over and I overindulged, in a big way, anyway. Friday night, I ate 2 pieces of combo pizza, and late last night I had milk & cookies when I couldn't sleep. On the other hand, I went almost 4 weeks without going over my points, so I'm just a little conflicted about the whole mess.

To make my intake a little less worrisome, I've worked out a little more than usual. Just as I'm going to do this morning with one of my gal-pals. Walk'n for weight-loss...woo-hoo!!! This is us...all beautiful and fabulous...gett'n it done!

What I've been eating

These are some of my WW meals that have been super, duper tasty and really easy to put together. I didn't get a snap shot of the coconut shrimp it was OH SO Delicious and my favorite right now!

I feel like it's important for me to try and keep a diary of what I'm eating, as much as possible, that way I can come back to this in the future when I need to remember all the great stuff that I actually I enjoyed eating along this journey.

Lean Beef Tostadas with all the fix'ins

Zucchini, carrots, tomatoes with roasted garlic hummus

Whole grain english muffin, low-fat 2% cottage cheese, and a sweet cara cara orange

Spicy Chicken Tostadas with all the fix'ins

Yummy Lentil soup

I've also made awesome smoothies using my trusty magic bullet and a few simple ingredients:

Fill the large cup half way w/ice (I used crushed)

Next, add 1/2 cup of this great stuff, a splash of vanilla

Then, of one of these guys...I was kind of nibbling on mine so I ended up 3/4 of one :)

Lastly, a tsp of this and 2 TBS of Blue Diamond Almond milk !

Viola! A wonderful smoothie worth 3 points :D

I seriously could drink one of these everyday...if only I hadn't run out of bananas!!

Weigh In!

Yesterday was WEIGH IN and it couldn't have came at a worse time!!! PMS, out of control...bloating at an all-time HIGH, and my irritability was bring'n down the house. I seriously did not want to step on that scale. I even expressed my feelings quite literally to my WW leader, sitting quietly behind the table. Me: "I really don't want to get on that scale tonight" WW leader: "Oh, it will be ok (big smile) " Me: "No...it won't, my week has been terrible (tight smile)" WW leader: "You may as well get it over with (no smile this time) Me: "Fine...I guess it's gotta be done" while I'm shedding my jewelery, shoes, and anything else that could go and still keep me descent. Drum roll............................................

10 pounds total!!!!

Yep another 4 lbs. this week, baby!!!!

I was in complete and utter shock...I really couldn't believe I had lost all that. I kept telling my mom, standing next to me, I know the scale must be right, but I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this. I just don't feel it? I thought my clothes would be feeling loser, but not really. I know, I know...it's a LOSS!!! Who cares if your clothes are not looser...they will be next week when you've lost 14 lbs., right??? Anyhow, time to enjoy and celebrate :D I think I need to go shop and give myself a little reward, don't you?

Coping Mechanisms

What are your coping mechanisms? Food has always been mine, but I want to change that. I mean, I am changing that. When everything is in upheaval, and spiraling out of control I want to eat. Why? I DON'T know...it's just the thing I do. It's calming, enjoyable, satisfying, non-combative and soothing. Everyone copes some how...for others it can be nasty, ugly habits like drug use, alcohol, even sex. All of those things in abundance can be dangerous, over-eating included. I recognize my coping mechanism, stuffing wonderful, delicious food in my mouth, but now I have to change the way I cope. The way I deal with stress, excitement, disappointment, success and sorrow. I know a lot of people out in the world don't believe in God or Jesus, but I DO. I know he's real, I know he exists...he's been the leader of my life for some time now. Spiritually, I've been detached from Jesus when it comes to this area of my life. It's like this is an area that I won't release to God, because it's kind of become an idol. I know that sounds serious, but if something, anything that you do or have becomes categorized as off limits to God, then I believe it's become an idol. Something you REALLY don't want to give up. I want to be different, I want to let go of food, I want to open this area up to Jesus and allow him to change what I can't. I want to turn to him when I can't cope, I want to turn to him when I celebrate, I want Jesus to be my coping mechanism.

Guess What????

Should I say? I may ginx myself...

Ok...I don't think I should toot my own horn, though...

Alright, I'll tell...I LOST 6LBS!!! Yep, over a 2 wk period...I lost 6 fat ones!!! I guess I should toot my own horn!

Just trying to stay focused on the next couple of weeks, and I just may reach my goal of 20lbs. before my birthday!!!

Ugly

Today, I've cried...I'm hurt, angry, depressed, and disappointed. All those things and more. I had a fight with "J" #4 and I'm so very drained. I look in the mirror and I feel lost. I want to scream at that face in the mirror and say so many things...

1. It's your fault she acts like this!

2. It's your fault, you always give in...and when you don't, you know Papa Bear will and DOES, every time!

3. Why did you get so fat, I can't stand looking at you!

4. Your not getting any younger ya know...your getting OLDER and this mirror here shows it!!!

5. You really are ugly...

6. You don't finish anything, you never have, so why keep trying?

7. This body of yours will never look like you want it to again, since those 4 "precious" children came along.

8. It's too late to fix "J" #4, you've spoiled her to no return.

9. Can you get any more LAZY???

10. Stop pretending, you really have no life.

Yes, I DO want to scream this over and over in the mirror, but I haven't...I just typed it all out here so I could at least see it, before I spew it at myself.

Guess what though...I haven't went off my points, even though every fiber of my being wants to eat the bag of Ranch Dorritos in the pantry and drink Dr. Pepper all day!

Did I mention that Papa Bear is lacking in the "child discipline" area? Yeah, I'm a little pissed because I don't know how to half discipline...anyone out there got any advice for me when it comes to a Papa letting his "girl" do whatever she wants??? Thanks, much appreciated :D

Feeli'n it

Good, good, I feel pretty darn good. Even though I missed my WW meeting this week (due to weather), I've tracked my weight loss on my scale at home and I think I've lost 7lbs.!!!!! Now, I do know that my scales are off by 3lbs. according to the WW scales, but who cares??? I've been losing consistently and that motivates me EVEN more!!!! I can do this, I CAN DO THIS, I just know it!

The next thing I need to work on is activity, exercise...I HATE it, but I know I must find something to keep me active. My gf and I have been trying to walk 3 x a week, but we missed last Friday and twice this week. I still feel like I should be doing something when we can't meet up, but I haven't committed to anything. My next goal...find an activity and STICK TO IT!

Blah

1. Feeling blah

2. Feeling lazy

3. Super hungry...want to eat everything

4. Wishing this was easier

5. Didn't make it to my WW meeting, forecast calling for snow...what snow???

6. Seriously don't want to make dinner

7. On lock down until payday

8. Need motivation

9. Need motivation

10. Did I mention I need some motivation?

That's all folks....

Good & Bad Weekend

My weekend started out kind of bad...my family took Nan to the casino Friday night...she LOVES going to the casino. Since Papa passed away, thats all she ever wants to get out of the house for. Sooooo...we all took her. The family decided on the buffet for dinner...I do not do well with buffets, lets just put that out there. I started with a salad, then some Prime Rib, and well...just spiraled out of control after that. However...I tried my best to total up everything I ate and used up my free 49 points for the week. That made me feel so much better, in turn, helped me do well on Saturday at the Seattle Seahawks game VS. the New Orlenes Saints. We were able to take in our Subway sandwiches and water, and I stayed on track! Woo-Hoo...I stayed within my 29 points! Papa bear was even able to get me a small nonfat mocha :) Those extra free points made me feel so much more able to follow this plan...you don't even know! Thank you Weight Watchers for making this doable...it's going to keep me moving forward.

Charging Ahead

I woke up STARVING! Not sure why, last night we had an amazing dinner, but I was just so tired from preparing and cooking that I did not get pics, however you can find the recipe here GreenLiteBites...THANK YOU RONI, my family loved it and so did I!!!

Cooking is one of my greatest challenges, I know how to cook and what my family likes, but I was taught how to flour, fry, and smother (if you know what I mean?) So, not only do I have the difficult process of changing a lifestyle of junk food binges, I have to re-learn how to cook (NOT one of my favorite things to do!)

It's hard, REALLY hard! I just started this journey on Sunday and I already feel like the obstacles are mounting all around me. I didn't walk yesterday with my gf...her youngest was sick, I could have walked alone, but how boring is that???? So, instead I went Goodwill shopping with my Nan, and we had a great time. I got some really awesome deals, and I'm happy I went, but I still had that niggling thought in the back of my head, "You haven't walked today...you didn't walk today" I hate that, SERIOUSLY! Why are we wired like that? Why can't we just accept that it's O.K....that it's not going to ruin all your hard work...it's not going to make you gain back the 2lbs. you've lost already!!!?? Sorry...ranting here...

Moving on...Monday I made Lentil soup in the crockpot, it was super tasty, and I believe I could eat on those for a week. The downside...no one else likes them :( So I took what was left, I ate as much as I could, and froze the rest. I did get a picture of my soup...here ya go:

I'm not sure what I will be cooking for dinner tonight...Papa bear wants something made from beef (did I mention that he and all 4 "J's" are serious carnivores?) Yeah...talk about challenging! Another goal for today, get on the elliptical for at least 30 min...this is me charging ahead! Until we meet again, remember all those little choices make big impacts :D

In the beginning...

Here I am, look'n oh so HOT in my lounge-wear...my kids always laugh at me when I discuss the lounge-wear. I guess they think it should be all sexy and slinky, yet I find comfy and cozy works much better for me. Anyhoo...here I am in the beginning of this whole darn escapade, giving you the tell-tale pictures. I REALLY don't like this photo...but it is what it is, right? The bare bone reality is I'm fat, and I need to say it...look at it, see it for what it is.

I was reading a blog this morning and I came across an essay she reposted. The essay as a whole is amazing to read, and yes, re-read...but there were a few things that I read over, and over, and over. This was it..."You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen." It hit me, square in the face, not that I didn't know losing weight is hard, but just that I am waisting away this life that God blessed me with by wishing, wishing, wishing...always wishing I could do something different. Wishing for a magic pill, wishing for $$$ to have surgery, wishing I had a better metabolism...NEVER realizing soon I will turn around and this life will be over. My children grown, my family gone and all I will be able to look back on is how much I wished away. Well...I'm done wishing, I'm ready to work. How about you? Are you ready to get down and dirty with me?